He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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