New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
