The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
