girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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