he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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