I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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