i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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