Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Randomize
