Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
