I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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