everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize