It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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