Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
