Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize