oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
