I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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