I think my fart just growled at me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
