he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
