Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
