get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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