My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
