When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
