it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
