you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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