I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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