I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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