I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
PANTIES FOUND
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
