capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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