Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
