how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
