Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
