I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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