Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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