i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
