Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
