How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
