I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
