the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
