okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
