So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
