my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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