whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
