you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
