how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
