I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
