Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
