I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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