hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
