I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize