I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
