I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wish there were birth control emojis
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
