maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
