i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
