It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
