dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
