I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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