Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
