it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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