its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
