I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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