My first STD was from a foam party
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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