you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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