I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
