i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
