is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
