I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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