I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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