They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize