What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
