my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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