Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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