Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
