I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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