I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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