he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
